Medic, Ch. 11

Chapter 11
I felt powerless.

Gentle afternoon sunbeams touched my face and bitter breezes nipped at my skin as I stood by the grave of my mother.  The services proved heartbreaking today and I saw many of the relatives that cared so very much about her.  “I’m sorry mom,” I said as I added my flowers to the collection on her fresh grave, “I’m sorry I couldn’t have prevented this.”
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” I heard someone say from behind me, “No one can avoid death, pumpkin.”  It was my dad, I thought he had gone home by now.
“You’re still here?” I questioned, without turning around.
“I wanted to make sure you were going to get home alright.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” I began to sob.
“Will you? Will you really?” He popped his head over my shoulder and noticed tears cascading down my cheeks.  He wiped them away and looked me in the eyes and said, “I promise, I’ll be here for ya, whenever you need me.”
“Thanks,” I sniffed, “That means a lot.”
My father left shortly after that.  I told him that I just wanted to stick around for a while, and he reluctantly left for home.  I wanted to be alone.
I sat with my back against a tree near my mother’s headstone. The bark tugged at my hair, but I could care less. It was there, that I fell asleep until evening time, when I was aroused by the vibrating of my cell phone.
Kristy, where are you? You haven’t made it home yet. From my dad. I didn’t know that he knew how to send text messages. I closed the phone, stood up, and brushed the grass from my skirt and the bark from my hair.
The cemetery was deserted and the sun was burning low below the horizon.  As I looked around, lights began to illuminate the headstones and pathways.  “Goodbye, Mom.” I sighed and walked to my car.
I set my phone on the passenger’s seat as I jumped into the car and closed the door. Silence was allowed to fill the car, and I reclined in the driver’s seat. Soon, I found the phone within my hand, open to the contacts list and I filed through them. The name highlighted was my mom.
Vain ideas wormed their way into my thoughts, maybe if I called her, she would answer, and I could ask her to come home again. I shook my head and scrolled up, and the name highlighted next took me by surprise. It read, Matthew. I had forgotten that he had placed his number in my phone that day at the hospital. “Stupid, why didn’t I call him sooner?” I pressed the call button without a second though.
The ringing echoed through the hollow space that was my head. It felt like it had taken years for each ring to pass, but then I finally got my answer.
“Hello?”
I filled my voice with a plastic hope, “Hey, how’s it going?”
“All is well, and yourself? May I ask who is calling?”
My heart dropped a little because he hadn’t recognized my voice, or even had me on caller ID. “It’s Kristy; I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh!” He brightened up a bit more, if that was even possible, “I’m sorry, I haven’t heard your voice over the phone before. What is it you need to talk to me about?”
“I’m…”  I hesitated.
“Yes?” I could tell that his cheerfulness dropped a bit and concern escaped his lips, “Are you okay?”
I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I broke down and began to sob. All I could manage to say was, “I’m sorry, I’ll call you later, okay?” Dropping the phone to the floor, I pounded my fists to the wheel and buried my head in my hands.
I felt powerless. There was no way to prevent loved ones lives from slipping though my fingers. Death was inevitable, I realized, certainly unavoidable.
Sirens sounded from distance and I thought nothing of it, as I started the engine and pulled out of the cemetery. I sniffled and sighed alone in the car, passing blaring lights which I ignored.
Pulling into the driveway, I found a police car parked in my dad’s parking spot. I stepped out of the car to greet him. “What’s going on, Officer?” Panic inched into my voice.
What I heard from his mouth was too unbearable. My father had been involved in an accident. “Impossible,” I whispered to myself.